Upon arrival in Missoula I realized two things. 1) Montana is the most gorgeous place in the entire Universe. 2) There is no shelter from spiders anywhere west of NYC. Oh Missoula, Missoula, Missoula. I could say that word a million times and I would still be giggling. Kind of like the word ‘couch’. Who invented that one? Like, if I invented the couch, sat down on it in all of it’s glorious comfort, the name that would come to mind is most definitely not ‘couch’. Comforter makes sense. That’s a good name for a blanket. But couch? I’d call it a ‘nestling bench’. What the hell am I even talking about? Missoula was cool… We made some fans at the Wilma. After the show we met these three girls that wanted to go to the bar. Got to the bar and as it turns out they were only twenty. They were mad chill though so I took them to Denny’s and ate yet another wonderful late night sammy.
Next stop? Boise, Idaho. I can’t believe how hot Boise was… 101 degrees at 9 P.M. The coolest part about Boise was the fact that a venue finally fulfilled our rider. We are supposed to get a case of water, a case of beer, and a bottle of Jameson. Pretty simple right? You’d think. It’s not like we’re asking anyone to sort out the red M&Ms. Chevelle also gave us a bottle of Crown Royal and one of our new fans gave us a bottle of Paddy’s. I’m gonna go ahead and change the name of Boise to St. Whiskeyville. After our show, myself, Tim and this girl from the air force took the bottle of crown to the park. Because that’s perfectly legal right? I’m sitting there minding my own business and this asshole spider decides that he wants to walk across my chest. I flicked that fat son of a bitch directly onto the girl. Not on purpose, but that’s just where he landed. And I didn’t tell her. That was enough for me. Did a good old-fashioned van slumber and the next day we headed out for Spokane.
Spokane kicked our asses and rubbed it in. Seriously everything went wrong. It’s at this point that we welcome Black Map to the tour. A band from So Cal that is gonna play the west coast with us this week. Really cool dudes, super friendly and talented. They were cool with sharing drums so Ryan was behind their kit on that first night in Spokane. Never again. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it was a disaster. So, not only was the rhythm section falling apart, but my cables decided to start shitting the bed, so half of the show was guitar-less. Pretty cool, right? For whatever reason I got shook. I never get shook. But I did. Stared at my feet and rushed through the set feeling humiliated. It was awful… I mean the audience still cheered, but you could tell it was just kindness. You ever stand in front of 1,200 people and have to spend 35 minutes feeling like you’re worthless? We got off stage and Ryan and I hid in the dressing room. Richy didn’t care. That guy never gets fazed. He’s like a Zen beaver. Chevelle noticed how bummed out we were and they had nothing but love for us. Reminded us that shit happens and it can’t always be gravy but that ultimately you learn from these things and push forward. I guess back in the 90’s before they got their break, they toured with Anthrax and people literally threw bottles at them every night. Those guys are so fucking cool. None of us have listened to Chevelle in a long time until this tour but after getting to know them and seeing them live, we have all gained so much respect for them. Like, they can definitely throw down on that stage and if you’ve never been to a Chevelle show you should make it happen. Preferably one that includes Highly Suspect.
I’m pretty sure that I’m usually the last to fall asleep once we start partying. On this night however, Ryan and Madge took the cake. All we know is that they came back to the hotel at like 5:30 A.M. and Ryan passed out in the shower. Solid move my friend, I know it well. The only logical thing to do before leaving Spokane was to grab some mimosas at the Satellite Lounge. Had to pay for parking first so Ryan put the business debit card into the parking meter pay station. Put it right in the cash slot. It was nothing short of ridiculous but we couldn’t even be mad about losing the card. It just had to be that way because Spokane couldn’t stop dicking us. Spokane invited us to the prom on a dare and then broke our heart by filling us in on the joke. I did see an awesome billboard about tweeting Jesus though. In all seriousness Spokane is a lovely city with lovely people and we hope to return one day with working instruments and a new debit card.
We drove to Seattle during America Day. This is where shit got pretty heavy for us. Like in a great way. We stayed with our friend Julianna who knew how to host. 30 seconds in her house and she busts out magic candy bars and THC infused lemonade. Nice work Julianna.
Rich and I have literally worked out together at least a thousand times during our tenure as bros. But on this day we would share a workout I will never forget. We have dreamt of reaching the Pacific Ocean for our entire lives and talked about it all of the time. People think that if you’re born on Cape Cod you must come from money. That’s not the case at all. If your born on Cape Cod, you work for the rich people that “Summer” on the cape. During the Winter you drink and wait. We had to work our asses off to get over that bridge. I’m more than proud to know that I got out of my hometown, Dennisport, with my own two bare fucking hands. I love Dennisport. I love Cape Cod. Those are my roots and my foundation, but I always knew there was more to see. And God dammed if I’m not seeing it now. So this workout… well… Julianna told us that the Puget Sound was about a mile and a half away from her house, and that if we ran through the park, we would find Pacific water. What a glorious run. We were lions gliding through an open prairie. We were grizzly bears open-palm slapping salmon into our mouths. We were Jesse Owens beating the Nazi’s at the 100M dash. That park swallowed me with emotion. Huge trees and the darkest dirt you could imagine. The cliff trail path could have been used as a location in Jurassic Park… and then? The Pacific. The Puget Sound might just be an inlet, but Richy and I buried our faces in that water like a couple of overheated ostriches. So epic. Yeah Richy… That’s a moment I’m not gonna forget. We fuckin made it bro. We did it.
After our run it was time to pick up our homegirl, Kate Black, the second founding member of Whiskey Bitches who flew out from NYC to join the tour. We’re all pretty stoked. She’s a tall, skinny, hot chick with an energy that’s infectious. She’s like the happiest person ever. I ended up winnig 50 bucks on a scratch ticket and we all got pretty sloppy amidst a city filled with fireworks. An amazing Independence Day.
Last night, we had a show at the Showbox Sodo. Needless to say we were ready to shake off the Spokane failure and show Washington that we deserve to be there. And that is exactly what we did.. That show absolutely ripped. My cable situation didn’t improve… I replaced the wrong one… But this time I didn’t let it faze me. I just kept the mantra in my head that I was a super monster beast and that no matter what I did on that stage I would force you to like it by looking you straight in the eye and thrusting my pelvis harder than Elvis. It worked.. Came off that stage feeling like “What? What now? You can all go home now, shows over”. It felt so good. This is why we do this. We all went back to Julianna’s to feast on pizza and beer before retiring. Of course Madge and I never know when to quit though so we had Julianna walk us to the bar. Her insanely hot lesbian friend was bartending and Julianna told me I’d never have a shot because she only likes women. False. I decided however not to accept the challenge and instead invite this girl from the show to come meet us at Julianna’s for a nightcap. By the time she arrived though we were all pretty much reduced to useless flesh bags on the floor and I told her to leave. Instead I had a cuddle puddle with my crew and fell into a beautiful state of sleep with amazingly vivid dreams that I don’t want to share.
Now we’ve cashed in the fifty-dollar ticket and were on our way to Portland, Oregon where we will be playing at the Roseland Theatre. But before that we are picking up a legend at the airport. His name is Kyle Waaramaa. The Kylor. The Wizard. He is referenced in the song Bath Salts “Pour me another one Kyle”. He is original MCID. He’s a hero. I don’t even want to know what Tour Diary 5 is gonna contain.
Much love to you all and wish us luck 😉